Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize