if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
