It's like a parade of train wrecks.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
