my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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