I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
