I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
