My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
