I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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