just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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