I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
