Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's shark week go big or go home
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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