talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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