I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
