I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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