Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
