I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
