Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
