at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
