I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
