were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Can you bring me the toilet please
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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