no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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