He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
