Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
