we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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