No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
