I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
