I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
