Please, let me fuck your mom
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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