come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
