i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
