is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
