tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
