Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
