yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
