Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
