I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
