what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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