mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
