she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
