not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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