A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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