come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
