Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
