the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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