Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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