I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
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