How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
