Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It's just like the Real World with babies
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
vagina is talking i cant
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Randomize
