Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
