Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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